Roxanne
I Will Not Share You With So Many Other Men
The Toxicity Of Addiction To Instagram Self-Validation
Picture posed by a model
Roxanne...
You don't have to put on the red light
Those days are over
No more posting selfies on Instagram tonight
You don't have to sell your body for likes
Roxanne…
I loved you since I knew you
So much that we have been through
Six years we've been together now
And now you say you found yourself
You love your body and show it to so many men
So proud you will not stop cos then
No more likes you want and need again
Roxanne...
You don't have to strip off your clothes
They have no respect god only knows
Don't see a woman who is proud of her skin
You're just a piece of meat to them
Another sexy body in the night
Who cares if it's wrong or if it's right…
Roxanne...
You don't have to undress tonight
And post on Instagram as usual
Those bodyshots for their approval
Not empowering and not right
Just followers' fuel to masturbate
And getting paid likes to validate you
Roxanne...
You don't have to show your body
And post on Instagram tonight
But I have to tell you just how I feel
Not telling you what to do my love
But I won't share you with 1,500 other men
It breaks my heart to see you do this again
Roxanne...
I know my mind is made up
So put away your make up
No more posting selfies on Instagram for likes
Told you once, told you so many times, I won't tell you again
But now you’ve made your choice so
Goodbye for now mahal ko
This piece describes one man's pain at losing a much loved woman through her obsession with posting sexualised body pics to 1,500 exclusively male followers on Instagram. It is told from the man's perspective and is based on an anecdote that was shared with me by a longstanding male friend.
I think the personal tragedy of this story is largely self explanatory, but for context I do understand that the woman's obsession with posting on Instagram was a pattern of behaviour that only developed 5 years into a 6 year relationship.
My friend also shared that his partner had deep seated self-esteem issues and regarded her Instagram activity as a form of self validation, but he couldn't handle it and at the time they were unable to work out a solution that worked for both of them.
He said that he hoped they would resolve their issues as he loved her very much and missed her, but it would involve a compromise by both of them...
Postscript
My friend was speaking with me last night and he updated me on the situation with himself and his partner.
Apparently, last week he discovered that she had a Facebook account with over 35,000 mainly male followers on a members' only basis. She had never told him about this account and never given him access to it.
She told him that she had been using this account to launch an online multi-platform digital business and she had done this over the past year with a campaign of regular postings of sexualized body pics.
"I choose me over us"
When challenged by my friend she said it was:
"...to express myself and be proud of my own skin. This is more than just skin and attention and strategy. It is also an empowerment for me.
But I guess I cant have it all, coz thats me choosing myself between me and us.
And I choose me over us."
Further Reading
"Seeing myself and my self-worth as defined by how many likes I got on my last selfie posting on Instagram."
Toxicity in relationships...
6 Key Tips From A Clinical Psychologist:
Dealing With The Toxicity Of Online Dating
Return to: Social Contagion
LATEST ARTICLES
And So This Is Christmas
There Is No Path To Peace - The Path Is Peace Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and peace activist, often spoke about peace as a state of being that begins within on…Curiosity Skilled The Cat - Optimize For Interesting
Curiosity Fuels Excellence The old adage, “Curiosity killed the cat,” warns of the dangers of venturing too far into the unknown. But what if we reimagine it not as a risk but as a gateway to developi…Let Stillness Speak - Living Within A Complex System
To let stlllness speak is to learn it's first major lesson: you are not your thoughts. To let stillness speak is about stepping back from the constant chatter of your mind and allowing a deeper, quiet…Understanding Complex Systems Thinking - It's Not Complicated
Understanding, and being able to work with, complexity is an important thinking skill.
We are all working with complex systems, and we do so every day. The biggest one is life itself. We automaticall…Stay On The Bus - When To Keep On Going
The Helsinki Bus Station Theory
Have you ever started a new project, initiative or role with a big vision and a determination to make a difference? Initially you were full of enthusiasm and highly mo…Zen Thoughts Email Series
Conversations With A Friend Zen Thoughts is an email series of 50 short messages spread over 3 months. The messages are written in the style of a conversation with a friend who is going through a toug…How to Get What You Value by Changing What You Measure
Give Up Control & Gain Influence To Get What You Want
The metrics we choose to focus on can significantly shape our outcomes, sometimes in ways we don't intend. The challenge is to make sure that you…How to Become A Master At Overcoming Hard Moments
"The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it." This quote from Roger Federer has got a lot of cover…Drop The Story - Deal With Your Demons and Transform Your Experience
Are you living your life from the stories you tell yourself? Learning how to drop the story and deal with that voice in your head can be a game changer. When you can do this you will have a powerful t…Standing In The Gap Between No Longer And Not Yet
Standing In The Gap In Conditions Of Imposed Change. This is about imposed change and surviving a dire and desperate situation where you are stuck in a difficult or seemingly impossible set of circums…Preparing The Ground - For Things You Can Not See
We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the ground. The phrase "preparing the ground" is a metaphor for making the necessary preparations to create the favourable conditions for something to…Easing The Weight Of Expectation
Don’t you often feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your back? Our start point is understanding that the ego has a very clear idea of how things ought to be, and its intention and ex…Coram Deo - Living In Consciousness
In you there is a dimension of consciousness far deeper than thought. It is the very essence of who you are. Coram Deo is about living in consciousness. It is a Latin phrase which literally means “to…The Power Of Patience - Why You Need The World's Toughest Quality
Nothing in the world can take the place of patience. Patience and persistence are omnipotent. In everyday life, patience is often overshadowed by the desire for immediate results. We live in an era of…Demonizing The Other and Personal Acts Of Compassion
What Does Demonizing The Other Mean? Demonizing the other refers to the act of portraying a group of people or an individual as inherently evil, threatening, or inferior. It often serves to justify di…