Social Contagion

You Become The Company You Keep

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with

What Is Social Contagion?

Social contagion at the physical level is something that we have all gone to great lengths to avoid during the recent Covid-19 pandemic.

With the phased lifting of the lockdown, and the resumption of social contact we are now increasingly exposed to another threat, another form of contagion.

This renewed threat is known as emotional contagion, which is the effect and impact of other people's emotions on our own dominant emotional state. This matters, as many of our life experiences are created or attracted by our dominant emotional state.

Because the means of transmission is via renewed and increasing social contact I reframe this as emotional social contagion.

Social Contagion - The Tidal Swirl Of Other People's Emotional Turbulence

In her highly regarded book "An Abbreviated Life - A Memoir" former Sunday Times journalist Ariel Leve paints a painful, poignant portrait of our vulnerability to the tidal swirl of other people's emotional turbulence.

This is especially true when we are children. Leve recounts how as a child she desperately attempted to ride the emotional waves emanating from her mother, whom she describes as volatile and narcissistic.

“I had no choice but to exist in the sea that she swam in. It was a fragile ecosystem where the temperature changed without warning. My natural shape was dissolved and I became shapeless.”

Leve explains:

“When somebody’s mood can shift quickly, you’re always on your toes and you’re always on guard, which means you can never really relax.

And as a consequence, as an adult, I find that I absorb the mood and energy of other people very intensely, so I need a lot of time alone to decompress.”

Her experience resonates with me.

Is this OK for Dad?

I recall as a child accompanying my father on his rounds as a grocery delivery man. Each time we visited a new location, I would immediately tune in to my highly sensitised "vibe antennae" and take the emotional and psychic temperature of the site to see if it felt "OK for Dad", was it somewhere that he would like and that would make him happy.

At the time I didn't know why I did this. But it was a habitual thing and developed into a form of hyper-vigilance where I was constantly taking the emotional and psychic temperature of new situations and places.

Church bells and overwhelming feelings of misery

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and I was sitting on a bench in the churchyard of an old English parish church. The sun was shining, birds were singing, butterflies were fluttering, my mood was mellow and I basked in the warmth of the late summer sun.

The church bells started ringing...and within seconds my mood changed and I was overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, melancholy and misery.

Reflecting on that experience in early adulthood I realised that the sound of church bells always had that effect on me since my childhood.

Following some forensic trawling through childhood memories supported by corroboration from my elderly mother I came to understand that as very small child my family had lived next to a church in a small country village. My mother told me that she was very unhappy at that time and frequently overwhelmed with feelings of misery and despair.

Her powerful feelings had infected me and become associated with the sound of church bells ringing.

How a leader's emotions infect an organisation

In 2001 Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of what he termed "Primal leadership" and outlined research that he and his team conducted in a study of 3,871 executives and their direct reports and it showed that the leader’s style determines about 70% of the emotional climate which in turns drives 20-30% of business performance.

In an interview (with Stephen Bernhut in "Leaders Edge", Ivey Business Journal May/June 2002) Daniel Goleman said:

"Emotions are contagious, and they are most contagious from the top down, from leader to followers."

"When Likes Aren't Enough" - how social media negatively affects mental health

In "When Likes Aren't Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness" Professor Tim Bono tackles the ever-popular subject of happiness and well-being, but reframes it for a younger reader struggling with Instagram envy.

The Nursing Times have recently published a study How use of social media and social comparison affect mental health

In June 2014 PNAS published the results of a massive study on Facebook users: Experimental evidence of massive-scale emotional contagion through social networks

Clearly there are so many ways that we are affected by other people's emotions. Given that we are emotional and thus energetic beings, and that as discussed at length in other articles in this series we live in an energetic universe that responds to our dominant energetic state in the experiences that we create and attract, then two important questions arise from this:

(1) How are we so susceptible to other peoples emotions?

(2) What steps can we take to protect others and ourselves?

Social Contagion - How Are We So Susceptible To Other Peoples Emotions?

Elaine Hatfield Professor of Psychology (University of Hawaii), and co-author of a pioneering academic book Emotional Contagion defines “primitive” emotional contagion as the:

“...tendency to automatically mimic and synchronize facial expressions, vocalizations, postures, and movements with those of another person and, consequently, to converge emotionally.”

The contagion occurs in three stages:

1. Mimicry
2. Feedback
3. Contagion.

It has an evolutionary purpose in that is helps us coordinate and synchronize with others, empathize with them, and read their minds. All of these are critical survival skills.

Social contagion is a hardwired reflex that is a basic building block of human interaction.

Social Contagion - What Steps Can We Take To Protect Ourselves & Others?

Here are five key steps:

(1) Quarantine yourself until you have figured how not to contaminate others with your bad mood. So, bless them with your absence!

(2) Inoculate yourself with mindfulness practice

(3) Drop the story and find the feeling by meditating with emotions

(4) Flatten the curve of social contagion

(5) Share compassion - and become a bodhisattva-warrior

Reflections and Action Points

Reflections

• Consider the claim: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” 
• Who are your five closest contacts (in terms of time, emotional energy, or influence)? What dominant emotional tones or attitudes do they bring into their interactions (e.g., optimism, stress, cynicism, calm)? How do those tones reflect in your mood, mindset, or behaviour over time?
• Reflect on the nature of emotional/social contagion described in the article: The three-step process: mimicry → feedback → contagion.   
• Think of a recent situation where you felt your mood shift because of someone else’s emotional state (even without noticing initially). What happened? How aware are you of your “vibe antennae” (the subtle sensing of other people’s emotional states) in your daily life?
• Explore the “energetic” framing in the article (the idea that our dominant emotional/energetic state influences the experiences we attract).
• What dominant emotional state do you carry into your key interactions (work, home life, friendships)? 
• How might that state be shaped by the people around you, or the environments you inhabit? If you were to imagine “flattening the curve of social contagion,” what would that mean in your context?

Action Points

Audit your social environment

• Make a list of, say, 8–10 people you engage with regularly (daily/weekly). 
• For each, note the emotional tone you observe when you first meet or start interaction (positive, neutral, drained, energised, anxious, etc.).
• Ask: Are these influences helping or hindering your aim of clarity, thought-awareness and emotional resilience (core pillars of your work with Zen Tools)? 
• Decide one or two relationships you might adjust (e.g., reduce unhelpful influence, increase more supportive contact).

Set up a “mindfulness inoculation” routine

• The article suggests mindfulness as a protective step. Carve out a short daily practice (2–5 minutes) where you: 
• Pause and notice how you feel before entering a social space.
• Note any emotional residue you’re carrying from prior interactions. 
• Breathe and decide: Do I carry this forward, or let it go? Then, after key interactions, check in: Did I pick up someone else’s mood? Was I conscious of it?

Drop the story, feel the feeling

• The article’s phrasing: “Drop the story and find the feeling.” Practice noticing when you interpret someone’s behaviour via a story (“they’re grumpy because…”).
• Instead: pause, and simply feel the emotional tone (in your body/mind) without automatically weaving a story.
• Over time: build awareness of when you’re being influenced, and how, rather than just reacting.

Protect others by being aware of your own state

• The article says: “Quarantine yourself until you have figured how not to contaminate others with your bad mood.”
• Create a simple “pre-engagement check”: Before interacting with someone, ask “What emotional tone am I bringing?”
• If you’re carrying a heavy or turbulent feel, decide: Do I need a brief pause/rest before engaging?
• Likewise: After an interaction, reflect on whether you transmitted unintended emotional energy, and how you might adjust next time.

Select your influences deliberately

• Given how strongly emotional/social contagion works (especially from leaders, from close people)
• Choose some “emotional anchors” in your life: people, environments, activities that reliably help you feel clear, calm, thoughtful. 
• Increase your exposure to these; decrease exposure to sources that tend to evoke more reactivity, anxiety, or distracted emotional states.

Further Reading:

The Failure Of Cancel Culture - It's Suppression Not Engagement

Herd Mentality

Group Culture - The Invisible Software That Rules Your Life

Group Culture and The Tyranny Of The Intolerant Minority

Roxanne - Social Media

Toxicity Of Online Dating

Primal Leadership

Philip Zimbardo

Stanford Prison Experiment

The Lucifer Effect

Return to: Techniques For Stress Management